I am a college student doing a summer internship in Austin. I have spent my life both in and out of churches, close to and far from Christ. I want to share my experience about the difference between living with and without Christ.

When I was a child, I went to church often and was very curious about Jesus Christ. Then, while growing up, various aspects of life took hold of me. I thought less about Christ. Moreover, I found the church that I was attending to be unstimulating. Eventually I stopped going to church, and pursued other – more fun – interests. I didn’t see it then, but this was when my life took a downward turn. My attention became more focused on material things and activities for entertainment and amusement. What I didn’t realize then was that these things are very fleeting and never last. Although outwardly I was fine (I did well in school and had plenty of things to do for fun), I was agitated inwardly. I had no peace. Ironically, I didn’t even know that I had had peace until it was gone. I had also forgotten how to exercise and follow good judgment, and this intensified the feeling of the lack of peace.

So, after listening to various advice, all of which made sense but didn’t give me peace, I turned to the Bible. Except for a time when I was 10 and curious about Christ, I had never opened it to read it on my own. So this was a new thing for me. I thought that was quite amazing. I then developed a habit of going to it whenever I needed to feel peace. After a time, slowly, some of the passages began to make some sense, and I would have an “Aha” reaction when I came across some of the words that applied to myself and my situation. After some time, I thought about Christ again and saw that I had drifted very far from Him since I was little. I wondered if it was possible to ever feel close to Him again because the distance seemed great and I didn’t know how to bridge that gap. I didn’t even know if He would even receive me after all that I had done to reject Him.

But He is not like men. Any other person would have held a grudge and would have nothing to do with me. But Christ is greater than any man and welcomes anyone seeking Him. Also, unknown to myself, I had already begun to take steps toward Him by reading the Bible even a little. Over time, the inner feeling of agitation waned, and events happened which resulted in my involvement with the local church.

Now I have reclaimed my inner peace through Christ. I have had to relearn how to follow the good judgment of the Lord in my heart and not to drift so confusedly by all the meaningless ideas that are in the world. I am finally continuing my relationship with the One who would always have me, look after me, and listen to my prayers. I wish sometimes that I had never drifted away from Christ in the first place. But having lived without Him, I am more sure now, more than I ever could have imagined, that I want Him.

S.P.

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